Every day, I wake up in awe. Every day. Every day I set my alarm for a half an hour before sunrise, and when the alarm rings, I struggle to open my eyes before turning toward the window at my left. Through trial and error, I have discovered that by this point, a faint glow will line the horizon. There have been a couple of mornings where cloud cover hides that glow, but most mornings, the orange color that swells and deepens as the earth rotates to reveal the sun propels me out of bed.
It’s the word that keeps coming to mind. Adrift. Rudderless. Alone. Confused. Mired in the moment.
I’m struggling. And I knew I would be. And even though I tried to imagine what it would be like once both of my kids were off to college, I couldn’t quite capture it. And now I know why. This feeling is too unfamiliar.
My daughter was home from college for winter break, and after watching yet another news story about a horrible crime steeped in hatred, we found ourselves discussing how much hatred there seems to be in the world. My daughter resignedly asked if I thought there would be a time when people are simply accepting of others.
I am sitting at Starbucks, fearful that I have not been productive enough last week. So I am using the day to alleviate that fear and to write. When I come here, my routine is always the same, even though I need to change it. I log on to the wifi, check MSN for headlines in case anything momentous happened over night, check email, and check Facebook. The last check is the one I need to discontinue, except for today!
The first post came from a friend, an actual friend, not a virtual friend: Kelly Raymer. And it was a link to his latest blog post, I am guessing, sitting in a coffee shop on the other side of town. I was going to comment on it, but I had too much to say. Here is his post: Fear.
I spent an amazing weekend with this group! The goal? To get in touch with the genius that we all have and to use that genius for good (actually, we are all writers, so the real goal was to use that genius to write something considered, well…genius!).
The power of community is something I did not understand until much later in life. I’m not sure why. I have always been somewhat of a loner. Not necessarily socially. I love being out among people. In fact, I am at Starbucks right now simply because I like being around people. But when it comes to work, I have always been more of a “do it myself” kind of girl. And I’ve always been proud of that too. I now cringe at the thought of how many times I have bragged about not needing anyone. Not ever asking for help. Being able to figure things out myself. Installing ceiling fans and toilets – all by myself. You know the type, I am sure. We re all over the place, usually struggling and overwhelmed!
My daughter Emily and I went to Starbucks together to get some work done – I had writing to finish, and she had studying to complete. What a mistake! I always forget that I never get anything done when we go together. There’s too much watching people, sharing funny tweets, taking selfies (she is the one taking selfies, not me! Although she often gets me in the background, unbeknownst to me), noticing cute dogs outside, and doing whatever else keeps us from our tasks at hand.
Then she had to show me her favorite all-time video. She was giddy as she queued it up and untangled the ear buds. She then handed me one as she placed the other in her ear. Here it is:
Heard something this weekend from Andy Andrews. I have seen him speak twice and have twice been amazed at what a powerful speaker he is. Something about his delivery is simply mesmerizing. I was in an arena with 20,000, and he created absolute stillness. And the really strange thing is that I would catch myself nearly in a trance, hopefully soaking up the words into my subconscious!